The day Granny fell in the poo and was chased by hounds
Here's a story of our Granny,
She may be old but she is canny
Gran does what Grans never
do,
And one day she FELL IN THE POO!
And then was chased through woods and
bogs
Granddad and she walked on the downs,
Where you can view the sea and towns.
They walked past an old famous pond
To see the countryside beyond.
Then Gran saw something she thought
might
Be some old prehistoric site.
A place that could be very old
Where she’d find, jewels, bones and
gold.
“I wonder what this thing could be.
I'll climb on top of it and see!”
There was a squelch beneath her shoe,
Her foot went in, what could she do?
It was a pile of old sheep poo.
She knew that something had gone wrong
When she first smelt the horrid PONG!
Oh what an awful sight to see,
One leg was in beyond her knee.
The other sinking rather fast,
And every step might be her last.
She shouted to her husband Nick
Nick answered “Grab my hand. You
must!
Roll and you won't go through the
crust.”
So she rolled down and all was well,
Excepting for the awful smell.
She stood up then and almost cried.
She said, “I really might have died!
I didn’t like it – nor would you,
To drown in piles of smelly poo!”
The two of them made quite a scene,
Their feet and legs were browny green.
Then Granny said, “Here’s what
we’ll do,
Run to the pond. Wash off the poo!”
They ran, looked round for men and
houses,
And seeing none, took off Gran’s
trousers.
She washed her legs and feet so green,
Till they were moderately clean.
Then suddenly a fox rushed by.
And granddad said "I wonder why
...."
Then they heard barks and hunting
sounds
And then they saw a pack of hounds!
The hounds smelt Gran and thought "That
knocks
Spots off the boring smell of fox.
Lets go and see what it can be
It smells like paradise to me."
And so the hounds all turned and ran
Until they had surrounded Gran.
They barked and woofed and wagged their
tails
And licked her toes and feet and nails.
They swallowed both of granny's socks
The huntsman shouted "Chase the
fox!"
"Let go my trousers "Granny
screams
They'd grabbed her trousers by the
seams
And two dogs pulled on both the legs.
"Don't pull so hard" our
granny begs.
But then there was a tearing sound
A pair of shorts lay on the ground.
The huntsman yelled. "Your stupid
stunt
Has totally destroyed our hunt.
There's only one thing I can do
I'll set the hounds to chasing YOU!"
There wasn't any time to plan.
Gran grabbed her pants and off they
ran!
The hounds came after thinking "Well
Well, just imagine how it feels
When hounds are biting at your heels.
They saw a tree and did not stop,
Till they' had scrambled to the top.
When they looked down all they could
see
Was hounds who barked around the tree.
The huntsman shouted "Just my
luck.
Hounds must go home - I hope you're
stuck!"
And so they were. Stuck in the tree.
They didn't dare climb down you see.
"Oh Lord" said Granddad, "she looks
cross."
She shouoted "YOU get off my land!
You hippie nudists shoulld bel banned!
You totally destroy my view.
You hippie nudists shoulld bel banned!
You totally destroy my view.
The tree is ruined and I'll sue!"
Then Granny said "We can't get
down"
"I'll call my men who have an axe.
They'll cut you down in forty wacks."
She called, and Granny's heart went
thump.
Gran said. "We're going to have to
jump."
They jumped and ran, it wasn't far
Until they'd got into their car.
"Come back and give your name I
say"
But Granddad quickly drove away.
As they sat in a lovely bath.
Gran's trousers, just to end my song,
Nick Mellersh 2009 for our golden wedding party
With Christmas coming I thought the tone of this blog needed lightening up. We have been on gloom and war all through November. Seeing my only fan is my great niece, I thought she and others lucky enough to have a childish temprament enjoy this tale which is based on a sort of truth. Granny did step into a pile of sheep poo on the downs thinking it might be some historic tumulus and did wash herself in one of the dew-ponds you find up there. The story about the hunt and the tree is, thank goodness, fiction.
Don't forget to look at the sister blog "Nude a week" by my wife, where there is a sweet little Christmas film see http://njeanius.blogspot.co.uk/
And don't forget my father's ebooks at njeanius.uk, an excellent Christmas present for anyone interested in the story of the first World War.
Don't forget to look at the sister blog "Nude a week" by my wife, where there is a sweet little Christmas film see http://njeanius.blogspot.co.uk/
And don't forget my father's ebooks at njeanius.uk, an excellent Christmas present for anyone interested in the story of the first World War.
Hope to put up another of these stories during December and a holy one for Christmas sorry it will have to be orthodox Christmas or Epiphany now£. Meanwhile happy Christmas to all my readers (hope there are some!! I'd love to hear from you.
,Love Nick